'Ssup! I am Cockraptor. Carnists Say the Darndest Things! is an ode to the bizarre trolls who trample around the dainty meadows we call "vegan sites". The shenanigans of this site celebrate the hilarity and frustration of being vegan in a pre-vegan world. Does your family think you're passing through a phase? Do "canine teeth", "baaaaacon!", and "plants have feelings" ring a bell? Do obese, perpetually wheezing coworkers prophesy that you will die in 6 months? Do strangers call you a bunny hugger? Fear not, Veganling! I might not be your friend, but this site will offer free, BS-rated quack therapy and save you $$$ in real counseling / angsty finger paint supplies / flamethrower purchases. Oh, and if you're on FB, like my page by clicking the button. Hugs and Pecks! p.s. All photos are free to share, and if you modify them, please retain credits.

Carnists Say The Darndest Things!

"Wake up and smell the science."

"Wake up and smell the science."

Let me share the story of my vegan journey with you guys, since I know that you all have been sitting at the edge of your seats in anticipation, waiting to hear it. I was born 100% vegan. After I was weaned, I realized that I had to eat anything that I was fed, plus my mind processed nothing more than “Eat carper fibers” and “I’VE BUMPED MY HEAD I NEED MOMMY WHAAAAAA!!!”, so I scaled down and became 80% vegan. After that, I starting attending some sort of school, and I’d steal everyone’s lunchbox. I knew that those were dead animals, but I wasn’t crazy about veganism. I was real about it. So I was 40% vegan, but that’s still better than 30%. After that, I became a sort of a teen, and sort of a vegetarian, so I was like, you know, 60% vegan. Then I kind of read about animal cruelty, but I wasn’t crazy about veganism, just real about it. So I became 99% vegan in my mind, but stayed a reasonable 76.84% vegan in my actions. At this time, my clothing was an awesome 68% vegan. But then one day, a flower pot fell on my head during a fierce thunderstorm and the trauma caused me to stop being a realistic person. I’ve been 100% vegan since then. 

Long story short: I’ve been alive for 30-something years, and have been vegan for all of it, so that makes me more qualified to speak about veganism than anyone else. There - I said it.

Let me share the story of my vegan journey with you guys, since I know that you all have been sitting at the edge of your seats in anticipation, waiting to hear it. I was born 100% vegan. After I was weaned, I realized that I had to eat anything that I was fed, plus my mind processed nothing more than “Eat carper fibers” and “I’VE BUMPED MY HEAD I NEED MOMMY WHAAAAAA!!!”, so I scaled down and became 80% vegan. After that, I starting attending some sort of school, and I’d steal everyone’s lunchbox. I knew that those were dead animals, but I wasn’t crazy about veganism. I was real about it. So I was 40% vegan, but that’s still better than 30%. After that, I became a sort of a teen, and sort of a vegetarian, so I was like, you know, 60% vegan. Then I kind of read about animal cruelty, but I wasn’t crazy about veganism, just real about it. So I became 99% vegan in my mind, but stayed a reasonable 76.84% vegan in my actions. At this time, my clothing was an awesome 68% vegan. But then one day, a flower pot fell on my head during a fierce thunderstorm and the trauma caused me to stop being a realistic person. I’ve been 100% vegan since then. 

Long story short: I’ve been alive for 30-something years, and have been vegan for all of it, so that makes me more qualified to speak about veganism than anyone else. There - I said it.

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